My short-lived race against Lance Armstrong

If you had checked the Texas Mountain Bike Racing Association riders’ forum on Friday evening, you would have seen the following headline:

The Rumor is true, yes, Lance Armstrong was pre riding rhr

It’s OK if you didn’t see it.  I didn’t either. 

So it wasn’t until I was pre-riding the course myself on Saturday morning that I discovered that I would indeed be lining up against former world champion and seven time Tour de France Winner Lance Armstrong. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

I am in Texas this week for a conference on natural gas production and transmission systems.  When I found out I would be coming here I got online and did some searching for a bike race—just to make the trip meaningful.  What I found was the Rocky Hill Roundup; it’s the season finale of the fall season here in Texas, comparable to the ICUP’s Wolverine Ridge race.  

I arranged to borrow a bike because I broke mine at 12 Hours of Sundance.  I boxed up the borrowed bike and hopped on a plane to San Antonio.  I camped just outside of Smithville, Texas on Friday night, where I took in the halftime show at the high school football game.  The hometown Tigers were getting slaughtered in this episode of Friday Night Lights. 

The morning of the race I busied myself getting my bike and body ready.  I didn’t notice any additional hubbub that ought to be present when cycling’s biggest celebrity (at least in Texas) is getting ready to race.  In fact, I had almost forgotten that he was there until the race director, after calling the top ten in the series point standings to the front of the line, spoke the following words: 

“To honor a former world champion, we would also like to call Lance Armstrong to the front of the line.” 

I moved out of his way as he walked his bike (a Gary Fisher Superfly) right next to me.  He was wearing a Mellow Johnny’s Bike Shop of Austin jersey.  I lined up behind him and waited for the gun.  Yes, in Texas they use a real gun to start races. 

I’m not sure what to say about what happened next.  Immediately after the start, Lance swerved sharply to the right.  Apparently he could not get clipped into his pedal—typical roadie—and lost his concentration while he tried a second time.  That caused a domino effect, as the guy to his right also swerved right, causing the guy to his right to do likewise.  By the third or fourth domino the riders had run out of space and started going down.  I think at least five guys went down, right in the first fifty meters, and as far as I could tell it was all Lance’s fault. I suspect you'll be able to find video of it on YouTube soon. 

I should mention here that ten minutes before the race I got a flat tire in my back wheel.  I tried to get it to seal but didn’t want to risk it, so I raced back to my car and inserted a tube.  What I didn’t notice was that the flat was not in the seal between the tire and the rim, but I actually had small hole in the sidewall.  If I had seen the hole I would have done what any smart cyclist does in a pinch like this—insert a dollar bill between tube and tire.  The heavy duty, cotton-based paper works like a charm.  Hindsight is always 20/20. 

Anyway, back to the race.  After the crash at the start, I moved around a few guys and found myself right on Lance’s wheel.  A guy named Austin gave me the following pictures. 

A shot of Lance. 

My shadow (left) and Lance’s back wheel (right).  You’ll just have to trust me on this one. 

A shot of me. 

About fifteen minutes later, after I had passed three guys and was riding in seventh place, and with Lance still in view, I heard what I thought was a gunshot.  Incidentally, only Oklahoma leads Texas in per capita gun ownership.  In exactly 0.75 revolutions, my wheel was completely flat.  I changed my tube and filled it up again, but I broke off the valve stem, exactly like I had at the American Mountain Classic, is my Big Air valve to blame, or is it my adrenalin? 

I started pulling the tube out again when I finally noticed the hole in my sidewall, because it was now quite large and impossible to miss.  I realized my race was over so I started waking. 

Ahhh, there’s nothing like a walk in the woods to do some personal reflection. I was really racing with a living legend.  

P.S. Lance ended up winning, and the last guy I passed before I flatted finished ninth.  Could I have been on my way to a top ten finish?  Results are posted here.

Comments

[stites]

Nice work on the race. I'm sure you would have given Lance a run for his money. Maybe it was Lance who sliced your sidewall.

[Aaron]

I'm so jealous that you are mtb racing in November - especially being that you would have beat Lance without the flat. I'm impressed you packed your bike with you. Hopefully the good citizens of Utah were able to pick up the bill for that. Money well spent, if you ask me.

[utmntbiker]

Maybe the viagra was finally helping your performance

[Scott]

I was the RHR race director, hope you had a good time at our little Texas race, I'd like to think we have a pretty good thing going. As far as the startline incident, there was just two that went down, two 15 year old Junior X'ers trying their first PSE race. They got tangled up and both ended up pulling out of the race early too, sorry about your flat. If you're ever back in our state to race, give me a shout and I'll help in any way I can.

[Dave]

Dude, that's pretty awesome.

As a scooter professional, my biggest brush with greatness was the time Donny Osmond came into the store. Lance Armstrong totally trumps that.

[Dharma]

That is a so very cool- top 10 in a lance Armstrong real western roundup. Shame on fate! I'm with the theory of Lance lancing your sidewall. :)